Lost Journals

Like I said earlier these are three poems I picked at random from my old iPod luckily I picked these, my writing has VASTLY improved. Wow. Time flies. But happy new year to everyone. Enjoy. 

Well this first one here, I can't really remember where or who it stemmed from but the poem is pretty self explanatory. The one was also untitled so, yeah. Here it is.

In the passing of love it is lust we express and nevertheless it'll be your breast that I miss, yes.. But I digress, never will we be again. It'll be your love that I can't throw up since I digest well; digested your lies and deceit.. Although the those words made me weak, still transparent is my outlook towards you, seen through you always my ship in the open bottle, our love went full throttle..at one point.. I wish I fell yet again I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't have been able to stay hallow, this love lost I would've felt... 

If you know me you know my dad isn't around right now and he never really was around at all. My poetry started out as raps that's why it has that feel to it but I could never really write the cool gun raps (well I could cause all of my homeboys did but I never liked my raps as much) so I would always write about my life and felt they were poems in a rap format. So, here you go. This one was also untitled.. 

'Round ain't no fathers to show us how too man up, so when the blue lights shining we quick to throw our hands up, pops play the corner so we learn to live on our own, that Jay Z song "Can I Live" really spoke too my soul, so before I play the hustler way I'll find out a couple goals, want my little cousins to have someone to look up to, my little sister destined on Harvard I hope that's what she do, Babygirl I'd love to spend my life with you, but I gotta spend most of it ducking lights red and blue, wish this world was perfect and I'd make it out but to make it how I wanna I'd have to sell out... 

This one was titled "Laying In Bed With My Ex" pretty self explanatory, we ended up getting back together and shorty ended up cheating on me by the way.. Here you go.. 

Laying in bed with my ex, oh how I wish I was, I wish my spirit could sit with you and hear how much you bad mouth me, how much times you say you should've never left me.. Laying in bed with my ex, best believe I would make your body tremor and that pink thing under your waist line simmer and yet you'd feel so far away from me even if I was... laying in bed with my ex see, you're an ex for a reason, things don't just go bad without one, either I fucked up or you did but we all have those "what if" moments like: what if I was in bed with you, touching your skin, grabbing your hair, kissing your spine.. You'd like that huh? But now I can only wonder what laying in bed with you would even feel like...

P.S.A.

Hello everyone. It's a new day and a new year. I just thought I'd get my thoughts off today strictly about my writing and what not. (Meanwhile Yeezus is blaring through my speakers so I can barely focus.) Okay so, 2014 was a good year for me and I hope it was even better for you. But that's in the past now so try to make 2015 YOURZ. Don't just put up that "New year, new me." Tweet and don't mean the shit. Now, my writing.. If you know me you know I don't even like my writing like that and I very rarely give myself a pat on the back about it but some of y'all do enjoy it and to those of y'all that do I love the FUCK out of y'all and pause to the men, I don't love y'all like that. I've come to many crossroads within my writing, I've retired and came back to writing more than Jay Z but I'm back at it for real now. I just wanna thank @princexhermes aka Jay Blake (I'm not gonna put your government out here like that pleighboi.) This my brother for real, pushing me, writing his ass off and inspiring me for this year for sure. I'm gonna keep this short so, in closing: if you fuck with my blog, pay attention. P.S. I've been working on this very important piece, it'll be the first official release for me this year, coming very soon. Alright. Peace and love. 

Crooked Love

'Good morning, instead of going out I made you breakfast since it's pouring.' 'I hope you like your eggs scrambled, last night was a lot to handle, girl you do some crazy shit with candles..' she laughed and took the plate I made for her and the orange juice in the glass and sipped slow as she grabbed my hand, she told me 'i appreciated the past 24 hours but, my man called while you was gone and I has to leave now..' I looked away I started to shake a little and I tried not to scowl.. 'Awe that's okay, maybe next time, you know?' She replied, 'Yeah..' I turned away from her and smiled, 'yeah? That's all you have to say too me?' I asked myself... 'After all he's done to you?After I covered the bruises on you? Paid your car note too?' She tries to leave so I shoved her up against my wall, 'What the FUCK nigga? I told you I have to go.' I just wanted you to know the next time he tries to kill you don't call my phone. 'Yeah whatever nigga I'll be fine, he's in the driveway anyway.' 'WHAT? YOU BROUGHT THAT NIGGA TO MY HOUSE?' She proceeded to leave, I followed grabbed my shotgun as she dipped out... I opened the door after she reached the car, I cocked, he shot.. 'Get down on the GROUND!' Rang off repeatedly in my head, her screams, now I know what it sounds like when that cop hits on her.. Then i died ...

Taylor Outro-lude

All I did was give you the shaded part of my planet.

I'm blunt all the time and you couldn't stand it.

But I don't like to play games cause if I lose I might panic. 

Told you shit other couldn't get out of me if they planned it.

My heart belonged to you in our short moment.

You could've owned it but you disowned it.

And that's okay we both left and I learned from it that's just a bonus.

Remember how we loved "Own It" ?

Crazy how I don't even miss ya.. 

Crazy how I never even diss ya..

But I'm sure you diss me with all your friends and that's okay. 

You had my thinking I was losing it like I was going crazy with nothing to say.

You were just another page..

Last thing you told me I remember you said I'd miss ya.. 

but don't take this poem as confirmation it's just me entering another phase.. 

I'm focusing.. On me and tings.. 

Crazy how you got on me about who was in my snapchat.

Who was in my favorites.

You worrying about cyber shit and neglecting that were fading. 

But that's okay. 

Remember all the plans we had.

All the shit we said.

Too soon I guess.

Nothing true I guess.. 

Cause if that was the case this poem would stem from the first one I wrote for ya.. 

in a positive light..

but the lights coming from the moon. 

And my hearts dark and my thoughts dark..

But that's okay..

You thought that little effort you put in was enough..

You thought blaming your fucks ups on me would call my bluff.. 

I must be average like I tried to tell ya before.. 

I kept pretending like shit would work,

Even though I always see the end I try to ignore..

Thanks for trying you probably don't remember half the shit but thanks anyway. 

At least you were different in a way.. 

Can't even say I should've known but I swear I did I swear I do, you so petty I can be petty too..

How bout now?

Pain

Huey said peace is the only way to stop a nigga moment 

But for once this ain't black on black

All we wanna do is get served with protection

Why you feel like you have to armor yourself against me?

Huh mister policeman? 

Don't call for no backup when I got my back up to the sky and my hand up high

"Don't Shoot!"

Don't gun me down when I'm turned around and I'm asking why? 

"Don't Shoot!" 

My soul hurts today 

I feel like they don't want us to pray

I feel like they want us to stay

I feel like they want us to give up and stay up and fear up but never bless up

God why don't you bless us?

Why don't you bless us?

They have guns and all we have is cameras

Reporters have cameras 

And now the officers saying 

"Don't Shoot!" 

Well how cute you don't want to the people to be aware mister officer?

You don't want the people to see my lying here in my own blood?

Huh officer?

This shit making me wanna cry nigga

Why my niggas?

Huh?

Why only my niggas?

Why only us nigga? 

Huh nigga?

Abe Lincoln ain't free us

We ain't never been free

Cause it's 2014 and I still have this chain on me

Emancipation my ass

We ain't gonna ever be free...

Robin~

No one wants a troubled boy

Show them you're a stronger boy

But I can't even lift my head to the thought... 

All of the thoughts I fought

All the bruises I got 

And inflicted...

I'm aware of my sickness

What exactly am I conquering?

Suicide is my personal conjuring

Plenty are concurring

So why not?

I love you Mom..

Make sure you tell my Pop

I never knew him but he was always in my heart..

Thank god you can't hear this shot

To my sister

I'll miss ya

You're basically my daughter...

Just remember all I taught ya

To my unwed wife...

My unborn...

I'm so torn

No ring planted and no makings of a life form

But I would rather my child not start life scorn

Where will my spirit go?

Don't proclaim you'll see me in heaven because you never know

I figured a bullet will be less painful 

And loud enough so someone will finally hear my handful...

Problems I have a handful

Well...I had a handful

With no one to hand to

Laid them down finally and grabbed the Smith & Wesson from the mantel

..... 

Yin and Yang~

Dom Kennedy said get love when I see it

I continue to grab outfits that don't fit

It's funny how my honesty got her thinking I ain't shit

Back when u lied to girls things would always stick

And I know you're prideful and you have your resins for everything

But letting your past mess up your future might hinder a wedding ring

At the end of the day I pay for another mans mistakes everyday 

When I say I love you back I don't just reply because it's something to say

Questions you know the answers to you bombard me my face

As if your number isn't the only one in my call log all over the place 

Nothing is the same life stay changing 

As I put my head down and I say grace

If I could do it all over again I wouldn't

Head telling me to let go but I couldn't 

I just want you to believe me when I say this

I wish you would except the way I play this

You can vent to me just don't take it out on me

But if you do I won't bruise I'm about whatever for you

Perfection leads to questions but don't wonder why you need me

And don't wonder why I love you

I hope you allow my step and hear my knock on your door

I pray you caress my head as I kneel to your floor 

Us even further apart than we already are is all I fear

So blindly toward you I stare